I’ve been putting off writing this for quite a damn while. I wish I had some extravagant excuse, like I’ve been so BUSY or my calendar has been colour-coded beyond despair, or that I’ve got so many creative projects in the works.
I can’t say any of that because in reality, this year has been one of the best, but also really tough. I’m not sure if I’ve ever discussed this on here, but over the last couple of years I worked out that being in love means that I let my guard down. What a fucking discovery, right? Well, it was a realisation for me for a number of reasons, but basically it means this: despite feeling happy and in love and having a great boyfriend, the darkness can still get to me. In fact, it feeds off of this love, because I’ve tripped the alarms – I’ve shown that I’ve opened myself up to someone and a few shards of the bad shit slithered their way back in. I’m okay, I promise – but it’s still daunting to know that it’s there again.
How are things going now?
Honestly, I’m in a bit of a rut. I’ve been feeling like quite the little grump over things that shouldn’t affect me. I switched jobs and jumped into what I thought was my dream position…only to realise that once again I was playing Tom in 500 Days of Summer reenacting the expectations|reality scene.
I’ve been feeling a lot of self-doubt, which isn’t good for anyone, but I’ve also read more books this year than I have combined in the last 3 (stay tuned for a full round up at the end of the year!).
I picked up my new glasses – today in fact! – and they are clear and super cool and are making me feel more and more like myself. I feel like I need to start wearing more red lipstick and oversized silhouettes and be the curator at a super cool gallery.
My family has been good. I’ve been trying to see them a lot more regularly now that James has moved down – oh yeah, that happened. Hooray! Love hearts and rainbows and no more 1.5 hr drives for a hug! – so that’s been awesome. Harrison somehow turned 10 this year which is INSANE and Soren is a non-stop bloody chatterbox. I love being able to watch them grow up and I’m soaking it up as much as possible while I can.
So – living with a boyfriend again. This time has gone TREMENDOUSLY better than the last, partly because James isn’t an asshole but mostly because we have a really good relationship and have grown up a lot together. We’re still totally shit at cleaning and it’s a constant battle to see who hates doing the dishes more, but aside from the icky housework stuff we’re having a great time.
We’re definitely homebodies and are currently working on trying to coordinate better so we can actually see our friends (was that not the most senior sentence you’ve ever read?) but we’re making an effort to get our butts outside and enjoy all the pretty nature around us. I’ve taken it upon myself to start us epic boardgame, puzzle and vinyl collections, so if that isn’t proof that I was supposed to be raised in the 80’s then I don’t know what is.
Speaking of the 80’s… Stranger Things has taken over my life. Is that dramatic? Nope. This is the show that I’ve been missing all of my life. I love every single inch of it and as a result, I’m trying to find the coolest ways to inject ALL of the fan art into our flat. Before I move on, let’s all just take a moment to appreciate Mom Steve <3
I’ve bought a lot more furniture this year, partly because Ethan moved out and we have an extra room, and partly because we were running out of storage space. I’m a big believer of knick knacks, but also like them to be displayed beautifully and dusted regularly (preferably not by me).
Oh yeah, I also went plant-based this year. Not a lot of people know about it (as if it really matters) so I’m still in that stage of having to explain to people why I’m not eating meat or dairy and can’t eat anything with cheese. I’m still eating seafood maybe once a week, and am strictly vegan at home and a little more flexible when eating out (i.e. I know there’s a good chance that there’s egg hidden in the veggie pattie). So far it’s been great and I don’t ever want to revert back. I haven’t had any major health changes, good or bad, but my skin has certainly cleared up and I get less bloated after eating (unless I gulp down too many hot chips).
I was going to go on about the trips I took and gigs I went to, but I might save that for an end of year post, just to really extend this whole ‘me, me me!’ theme we’ve got going on here.
Being 23 is weird, and I feel like Blink hit the nail on the head when they sang “nobody likes you when you’re 23” because I feel like I’ve been a hermit/have hardly seen my friends this year. Okay, so I’ve seen them, but the catch ups have been few and far and it’s made me miss that sense of community and family that we had in school. We’re at the age now where people don’t feel as obliged to keep in contact and invite you to things, which is okay, but also kind of sad. I just to stop being such a big baby and make friends with the cool people that live in Cairns.
On moving – I want to move. I’ve been in our unit for nearly 3 years and it’s time for a change. I need fresh walls and fresh inspiration and quieter neighbours. I crave the outdoors and the sound of waves and yes I know I’m dreaming thinking I can find a place like that here for under $300 a week. I think that feeling stagnant has contributed to my lack of motivation/creativity, so I’m going to be optimistic and say that we WILL find a place in the new year, and it will be everything I manifested and more.
That’s probably enough waffling on. Big thank you to anyone who actually got to the end of this choppy diary entry, but it will be nice to look back on this guy and see how I’ve grown over the years.
P.S. Please appreciate how I wrote this entire post thinking I was 23😂😂😂I was going to take out the Blink reference, but it’s too damn funny. Clearly my math skills aren’t improving with age.
Till next week,