I bet things are feeling pretty fucking crazy right now, aren’t they? A lot is going on both inside and outside of your head, but brace yourself because you’re going to have one of your best years yet.
Firstly, I just have to say how fucking proud of you I am. 2010 was a really shit year, but you hung in there. You reached out when you needed to. You hit the bag instead of hitting others. You tried to minimise the exterior damage as much as possible, even though in there you were falling to pieces.
A few things:
- Don’t worry about that psychologist, she was weird and didn’t really get what you were trying to achieve. You’re not crazy, and it’s perfectly okay not to be able to visualise the beach when you’re having a panic/anger attack.
- That boy you’ve been in love with, the one you call your best friend? He’s been great, but he’s also been horrible. Considering it’s your first “big love” (you will refuse to admit this for a number of years, but it’s true), it’s been a really crappy one. One-sided affection BLOWS but you may or may not have learned that by now via the wise opening sequence in The Holiday.
- You will feel better. You will also no longer feel the need to blast music in your headphones at lunch and be an antisocial little shit. But we’ll forgive that, because, depression.
Okay, so new year, new you.
You’re going to dye your hair blonde over the holidays. Sorry, but it looks off. PLEASE buy some toner or at least beg for it as a Christmas present. But don’t freak out! You’ll spend the next 6 years experimenting with different shades and intensities until you honestly can’t be assed with the maintenance of it anymore (sad but true).
You’re starting at a new school, which is pretty bloody scary at your age, so again I reiterate: I’m proud of you. Moving away from your family, friends, and hometown all in one hit is big, but this is going to be the most fun you’ve had in ages.
You’ll make friends, I promise. The cool girls will be bitches, the guys will be funny, and your little gang will be Skins-worthy. Don’t get so hung up on not working or having any money at the moment – it’s actually going to be a blessing in disguise (let’s just say that you get creative when it comes to sourcing items).
Stop freaking out about your body. You’re probably the slimmest you’ve ever been, but that doesn’t really matter either. Stop comparing yourself to those with differently DNA – and try to be nice to those you are actually related to.
You might want to think twice before downloading all of those albums (mainly because you’ll only like 10% of them) and brace yourself for Grandma’s wrath when she finds out you’ve racked up a $300 internet bill.
So you’re planning to have that epic party? Good on you, but TAKE THE DAMN EVENT OFF PUBLIC. Your carelessness has resulted in said party getting canceled hours before, and your friends all being sent home. It’s a real shame because it probably would’ve been the bomb. Moving on…
Stop freaking out about being the last 16-year-old to lose their virginity. It’s really not that big a deal, but I know you won’t take my word for it until you’ve experienced it yourself. Just be happy that the guy is very cute and nice and plays guitar and is definitely the best pick of the (available) bunch. You’ll see what I mean later.
Also, your first kiss will NOT be what you dreamt of. It’s not romantic in the slightest, but it’s definitely not the worst. Does everyone hear about it at school the next week? Perhaps, but hey at least you’ve ticked it off your bucket list!
These six months in Malanda are going to teach you a lot. You’re going to experience a lot of firsts, including drinking, hitch-hiking, rotten hangovers and learning to look after yourself. It’s all good fun, but it does have to end. You’re going to be PISSED and I can totally see why, but just know that going back to Weipa is also going to be a lot of fun.
In other words, the worst has passed, but there’s plenty of more good stuff on the way.
You will return home essentially a new person. Your soul is educated, refreshed, experienced, healed and happy. You’ve battled your demons and aren’t 100% in the clear, but you’ve made a fuckload of progress and that’s what counts.
Don’t get too hung up about school. It’s school, you know that, and you’ll do great because you simply can’t bring yourself to hand in a shit assignment (tests on the other hand…). Keep talking to your teachers, and embrace the opportunity for multiple drafts (especially in English). Life is really bloody easy at the moment, even if it feels like a solid betrayal when your parents cook dinner in the slow cooker.
You’re going to party a lot and experience your fair share of hangovers. You’re going to get a new job and get free hot chips and mushroom sauce, and you’re going to race home from work every weekend to hang out with your friends. You’ll sleep till late and watch a lot of Skins, and neglect your writing a little but that’s okay because you’re out there doing THINGS.
I hope you’re excited because writing this right now has made me smile fondly and be genuinely grateful for that year.
Handy hints re: boys
Okay, so You Know Who is fun, but he’s also a total dick. Do NOT invite him to your party.
Don’t lose hope
Soooo that bitch who regularly asks you for credit also asked him out first. It’s okay. Hang in there for another 4 or so years and he’ll be yours. Also great: soon you’ll no longer be sending people credit. Yay for technology!
A boy is going to come into your life next year, and I can’t really tell you to avoid him like the plague (otherwise you might screw things up for current me), but be wary of his ass. Don’t take any bullshit, and try not to lose yourself in the relationship.
Okay, so spoiler: you totally will lose yourself during the 1.5 years you are together, and you’re going to be feeling more codependent and vulnerable than ever. Your life will start to revolve around him, and you’re gonna make some pretty big decisions for the sake of the relationship that again, aren’t really going to benefit you, but ultimately set the course for you to become me.
Be careful what you wish for
Once you make that choice, things are going to change. They’re going to be shitty between you two for a while, and then they’ll be okay. And then he’ll get a girlfriend and essentially shun you from your life. But guess what – YOU DON’T NEED HIM ANYMORE *throws environmentally friendly glitter everywhere*. That is an achievement in itself.
Okay, I’ll shut up now. If you’ve learned one thing, it’s how much we both like to think/talk/write. God forbid I ever write a memoir – there’ll be more volumes than Encyclopedia Brittania.
Lastly, stay strong, try to smile and please don’t perch your DSLR on that bookshelf. It falls. You break the shutter. I still haven’t gotten it repaired.