Has anyone else been thinking this recently, because it feels like I finally came up for air and all of of the sudden it was the second last month of the year?! It probably doesn’t help that I’ve been operating on 4 different systems of time measurement for the past however many months – what week it is at uni, how many months since Soren was born, how many months James & I have been together and, well, the correct calendar year.
Customers come in at work and gawk at the fact that they’ll have to wait two whole weeks for an order to come in, and I immediately think “damn, two weeks is absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things, it will go so fast!”. Although maybe they’re lucky enough to wallow in the torture of waiting because they actually have spare time to worry about such things – who bloody knows.
A couple of weeks ago I randomly sat down and started planning out the Christmas presents list (a necessity when you have a family the size of mine) and realised that October and December really aren’t that far apart. And oops, now it’s November and I haven’t even started ordering from the list (but I really, really should).
I guess I just wanted to write this in case any one else out there is feeling the same way. A lot of my friends at uni are in their final weeks at the moment, but operating on a three semester year means that I am only halfway through my first term, and definitely struggling to maintain the old study/work/social life balance that is forever teetering on the edge. I’ve spoken a little about this before in this post but fuck it, it’s still relevant now and it always will be for those juggling commitments with a chaotic schedule.
I know I’m not alone in feeling this but DAMN am I exhausted. Work is at the absolute peak of chaos at the moment, and every shift I find myself running around the store with 10 different projects going at once and barely managing to make time for a 10 minute cup of tea break. I’m pushing myself so bloody hard to get things done properly, because unfortunately, that’s all my personality seems to allow. I can’t put my name behind things that are done poorly or half-assed. I either will find a better solution or just dive right in and fix the problem at the core (even if that means moving around thousands of balls of yarn – not an exaggeration either – in one meagre 5 hour shift).
I throw everything I’ve got into every day I’m there, and for a company who (apart from the store team) realistically only views me as a payroll number in the grand scheme of things – don’t you just love working for big companies! Anyway, ranting about work was not the purpose of this post. I’m the only one to blame for all of the commitments I have there, and to be honest, I would be whinging that I was batshit bored without them.
I think I have reached the point of the year (?) where I am done with travelling. I need a break. Or to at least sleep in my own bed for more than 2 nights in a row. I’ve never minded driving to see my loved ones, but lately it’s just been taking a bit of a toll. My backpack never truly gets unpacked anymore, but again, I would complain like crazy if I was stuck at home all of the time. Sometimes I get greedy and wish that everyone I care about was in Cairns so I didn’t have to plan out my weeks in advance just to make sure we see each other. But hey, I guess that’s all part of being an adult…right?
I was planning to do an October Faves & Finds post to go live last Monday, but after attempting a few times to write it I realised…I didn’t really have any favourites OR finds last month. I actually don’t remember what I did for most of it, besides the usual and Trophy Eyes FINALLY releasing their new album – which was definitely a fave, and probably always will be. It’s 100% worth listening and buying and falling in love with (an immediate side effect) and 1000x worth seeing them live. Other than that I’ve got nada. I didn’t pick up a book at all last month, and struggled to get even halfway through my monthly Collective Hub – and that’s when you know shit’s been busy.
And yet here I am, taking time out when I PROMISED myself that I would study tonight, writing a post on here. I’m always way too hard on myself during the uni semester, and instantly feel guilty if I put anything above studying and doing assignment work, and I wish someone would just shake me and tell me to slow down and breathe, because I try telling myself this and it always ends back up at “stop being so lazy, Vivienne”. So yeah, there’s that to work on too.
But isn’t it sad when you KNOW you have things that need to be worked on, and you simply cannot find the time to do them *insert the laughing/crying emoji here*? That’s 100% me right now. And yes, I know that I could better schedule my time to learn to meditate and go back to my weekly yoga classes and start cooking more healthy meals and start reading and writing again but when you feel completely overworked and exhausted the last thing you want to do is add more not-completely-necessary things to your day. A girl’s gotta breathe at some point, hey?
So if you’re reading this and you’re feeling the same, then yay, at least we’re not alone in this hurricane! It feels like shit is flying everywhere and I can’t grab onto everything I need at once and that I’m seriously debating getting the coffee machine up and running and welcoming coffee into my life ONCE AND FOR ALL (something I always swore I wouldn’t succumb to); when in reality I write this in my quiet room with the aircon on and shaved legs. So things can’t be THAT hectic, right? Wrong! My mind won’t stop. There’s always SOMETHING else to do. James came down on the weekend and we literally spent 2 days watching movies and catching up on sleep, and it’s only Wednesday and the last drops of this desperately needed break have been officially used up.
The funniest part of it all is that I wouldn’t change it. Or rather, I wouldn’t take anything out of the equation. Sure, a few things could be moved around to create a smoother ride, but honestly I need this much on my plate. I feel lost and under-stimulated otherwise.
So here’s an apology in advance if my blog suffers a little because of this. I really want to continue doing weekly uploads, and I have a few cool ideas lined up, but actually finding an hour where I’m not only free, but feeling inspired, is bloody rare these days. But I’ll do my best, just like I’m sure you’re doing too 🙂
Till next time,